Monday, December 1, 2008
The first day of December brings the world a new phrase. That gave my taint a hickey. This is a phrase to be used when something or someone sucks more than balls. Example: The majority of decisions by President Bush sucked balls, some however gave my taint a hickey. I would like to hear from you the peruser of this site come up with good usages of this phrase. Please leave a comment.
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10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Below is a list of offenses over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!! And; last, but not least! 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the past month I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has become traumatic. Don't think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how it works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also December 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday . . . and probably this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale $2.99 each.
Why do farts stink?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.
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